Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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