sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
