She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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