??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
