Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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