just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
