you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
