I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
