my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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