a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
