I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you inspire me to be a worse person
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
