You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
