Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
