I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
