I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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