yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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