Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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