I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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