i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
