I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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