If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
