I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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