haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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