My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
