So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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