You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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