Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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