its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
