You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
