just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
