They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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