I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
