after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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