i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
