everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
