I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
