He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
