I wish I could punch you in the face.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
