i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
