hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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