One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize