john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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