Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
