just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
