i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
