wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
