by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
