you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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