She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
