yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
