I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
