One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
