you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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