My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
