it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
