Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
