I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
