I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
