Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
