You smell like a Billy Joel song
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
