The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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