I think I am morally bankrupt
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
