i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
