It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
