hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
