The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
