I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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