I think i peed on brittanys purse
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
