pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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