I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
