She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
