Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
