I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
