You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
