I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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