I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
