When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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