just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
