it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize